If you don’t know news, stick to satire folks

Maximus Bean, Satire Co-Editor

While this week is our April Fool’s issue, it by no means signifies that we are avoiding talking about serious issues; from the celebrity gossip like Will Smith throwing hands so badly that it would make the WWE cringe, to the overarching, almost incomprehensibly complex global conflicts that permeate our insignificant lives every day. Since it is our April Fool’s issue though, it gives us the opportunity to mess around with our coworkers and give the people what they really want: news they can trust. 

Let’s be clear here: when people read satire, they know they’re given news that they can trust to disbelieve, and I think we need that kind of transparency in journalism. When normal people read the news, there are often so many conflicting stories out there that nobody knows what could be going on. As a result, there’s plenty of disinformation spreading around. Tell me, when was the last time you smoked a cigarette? Back in the 1930s and 40s, they were rampant! Even doctors were recommending the stuff. You don’t have to believe me, I am writing for satire after all, but it’s just something to keep in mind. Let me give you an example of something you could read in today’s paper and let you decide: 

 

The popular mogul magazine Economy Annual recently reported that inflation rates have just hit 10 percent. They interviewed government-employed economy reviewer Ram Einsteen for further updates. Einsteen called the magazine’s reporting misinformation.

 

Did you believe that? I sure didn’t. It sounds all fancy with the words “economy” and “inflation” and other bits of nonsense thrown in there. That’s why I trust satire: no matter what, it’s all made up! You don’t need to question the veracity of the data presented to you because it shouldn’t have believed it to begin with! Unlike so-called “reputable” sources, there’s no need to fact-check the satire section (Eat your heart out, Snopes)! Like it or not, it’s the most trusted name in the paper because you can trust distrusting it! Sure, satire may be “deliberate misinformation”, but at least it’s misinformation you can rely on. 

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