Sudden snowfall causes catastrophe for Thanksgiving breakers

Maximus Bean, Satire Editor

As the student body prepared for a relaxing Thanksgiving holiday, nobody was ready for the winter onslaught that awaited them. The Christmas season reared its sickeningly cheery, holly-covered head on Tuesday the fifteenth, when a surprise bout of snowfall coated campus. As expected, this caused much chaos on campus, and the present administration regarded this act of nature as a bad move. 

While the weekend was previously filled with sun, joy and warmth, this dastardly foreshadowing for the spring semester surprised everyone on campus. Students who were tanning a few days prior now found themselves buried under a full three inches of snow. 

The fallout from this Lewisburg freeze left the campus in chaos. Party cars, which previously sped down 7th Street with reckless abandon, occupants cheering like animals uncaged, now ceaselessly glided across ice-bound roads. Some Students say these cars are still gliding to this day, because ice tends to be slippery. 

Thankfully though, the administration has taken action: all purchases from the Flyson are now five percent off! Meanwhile, rogue students with salt shakers stolen from the caf are doing their part to make the roads safer. While the Lewisburg slug population may take a sharp downturn, the many drivers at Bucknell can rest easy knowing that their antics will remain unpunished, both by PSafe and Mother Nature. 

Although this snow presents many problems for the student body thus far, it is only a larger symptom of a wider threat: cold weather. Although many would like to deny the reality in front of them, that shorts and leggings are becoming unfashionable as of late, it is impossible to deny the increase of gloves, wool hats, puffy jackets, awful Christmas sweaters, penguin paraphernalia and scarves appearing on campus. 

While Thanksgiving Breakers are all set to leave campus on the 18, nobody knows the snow will be fully melted by then, so make sure to watch it carefully. Often Santa’s elves will hide in the dense, icy packets, and pelt with snowballs anyone not wearing proper Christmas attire.

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