American truckers join Canadian convoy rerouting to Ottawa: freedom at what cost?

Maximus Bean, Satire Co-Editor

Right now, the world’s largest motorized convoy in human history is happening in Canada, with an estimated 50 thousand trucks participating. American and Canadian truckers alike are driving to Ottawa, the country’s capital. However, it is important to note that the self-described “Freedom Convoy” is carrying what may be thousands of cases of maple syrup and ice that are designated to be delivered to both their countrymen and us, their southern countrymen. 

This convoy is not only disrupting an already exacerbated supply chain (as seen all over the country with empty shelves, a lack of dateable partners, missing gas and cargo ship backups), but it is also disrupting our lives as American citizens. Who do they think they are, thinking that they can just flout COVID regulations? Boris Johnson? These measures are made to save lives

These people are clearly a fringe group who do things like wear socks with flip-flops and drink water from cans. In fact, on the television show “La Semaine Des 4 Julie” (or “The Week of the 4 Julies” in English), Justin Trudeau, honorable leader of Canada said of the convoy, “We have to make a choice, in terms of leaders, in terms of the country. Do we tolerate these people?” and I couldn’t agree more. Trudeau should have used his power against them for the good of society, much like revolutionaries such as Fidel Castro did, instead of absconding from Ottawa. 

Since their cargo is so integral to the state of these two nations, I could (and should) argue that this diversion against the state and people is, in fact, treasonous. Who are they to put their freedoms over mine of eating Cheetos and shadowboxing all day?  How am I expected to pursue my dream of becoming a professional beatboxer without any boxes to beat? 

Something has to be done. Whatever their demands are, be it an increase of time on the ice in between periods for the t-shirt gun guy, petitioning for moose to get jobs, or for the sled-dogs to ride on the left side of the road this time, let’s come together and find a solution already! I am sick and tired of being reduced to my preference in maple syrup. I can’t help that when I see Aunt Jemima, I shed a tear; a true cultural icon and part of my childhood has disappeared. Now I’m stuck with Log Cabin.  

Editor’s note: I was just informed that the change in packaging has nothing to do with supply chain issues. My bad.

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