Thanksgiving Leftovers Temporarily Solve Food Insecurity

Maximus Bean, Satire Editor

Now that Thanksgiving break is truly well and done, students are returning to their classes with a renewed sense of determination. Finals season is in full swing, and students are hungry for another break. Something else students are hungry for? Food. 

Food insecurity has always been an issue on campus, and while Bucknell has had at least one remedy to this (the B-Eats Food Pantry in room 211 of the ELC), Thanksgiving itself offers a useful solution: leftovers. 

As with every Thanksgiving, leftovers are plentiful and exist for weeks after the holiday, especially the event known as “The Turkey Sandwich Slog.” As such, some students thought of a clever way to both rid themselves of their annoying leftovers (except dessert, of course) and also benefit the community as a whole. The “Leftovers Left Over” program was made by student Dirk Eiys ’25, who donated a stunning six plastic bags worth of turkey meat to the Food Pantry. 

“It was easy to get people to donate,” Eiys said. “As it turned out, everybody had grandparents or relatives who just kind of left their food with them. So everybody had something to give.” Packets of cranberry sauce, extra mashed potatoes, too-early fruitcake, peacock, pheasant, stuffed goose and lots of turkey. 

As a result, students came and went from the newly-stocked Pantry, both leaving food and leaving with other food. It seemed as if food insecurity had been abolished on campus. 

“It’s a Thanksgiving miracle!” said Wheezer B. Grazing ’25, who got to take home a 25 pound turkey, two packs of cranberry sauce and some roast spruce. Another student took home some mashed potatoes and a pack of carrots. 

Food insecurity on campus had officially disappeared for a full six hours. It was a glorious moment to be sure when the campus could finally accommodate (almost) all of its students’ needs (except for housing). When local reporter Licter de Balzac asked if a full on “food donation drive” could happen, the administration reportedly answered “What? Isn’t that what the Pantry is for?”

All in all, the Thanksgiving drive was a pleasant look into what could have been. People were smiling, and there was turkey everywhere. It could be a lesson on greed or maybe the tenacity of the human spirit. Now the true meaning of Thanksgiving is revealed to all: lots of turkey.

(Visited 63 times, 1 visits today)