Du’s and Don’ts: Fashion failures

Elizabeth Duswalt, Columnist

As House Party Weekend came to a close, I was thinking about all of the embarrassing moments in my life and how I brought the majority of them upon myself. I realized that I have a true talent when it comes to self-mortification.

The first incident that came to mind was from my freshman year (typical, am I right?) when I had just come back to school after break. I had just bought a bunch of new underwear. I did all my laundry in the Vedder laundry room, and when I came down to get it, some soulless person had taken all of my clothes out of the dryer and carelessly thrown them on top of the dryer. I was only five minutes late, like come on.

I was pissed because I thought all of my new underwear fell behind the dryer, since I didn’t see them in the pile. Utterly distressed, I threw on a warm, fresh-out-of-the-dryer sweatshirt and went to class. I strolled into my French class, being the turd of a freshman that I was, thinking I was super cool in my University lacrosse sweatshirt.

After I sat down, I pulled off my sweatshirt. To my complete and utter horror, three neon-colored lace thongs fell out of my sweatshirt. They had stuck with static to the inside of my sweatshirt. They had not in fact fallen behind the dryer. Mortified, I snatched them off the ground and said, “Oh, I have been looking for these headbands,” and threw them into my backpack. Only about everyone in my class noticed.

I cannot be the only person who does stuff like this. I decided I should ask around and see if other people have had similar experiences. I decided to start with my roommate, Margaret Ekblom ’17. Luckily she can share in my pain a little.

It was this past Christmas and she was wearing a chic, festive red dress. She went to the bathroom, and when she came out her dress was stuck in her underwear. She strutted out to the party thinking nothing of it. After about 10 minutes, her cousin finally told her that she should probably fix herself.

“I did not have tights on. But at least I have a great ass,” Ekblom said. 

I continued with my investigation and asked my teammate and the second-most fashionable goalie in the NCAA, Jamie DeWitt ’19 (obviously I’m the most fashionable, sorry Jam), the same question. Fortunately for my self-esteem, she has also encountered some embarrassing situations.

She saw a link on Facebook that featured all of these really cool and super cheap dresses. The website was called Light in the Box. She decided to go out on a whim and try the website. When the package finally arrived, she knew something was wrong. Everything she ordered fit into a really tiny box. She tried on all of the clothes and showed her twin sister, Callie DeWitt ’19. All they could do was laugh.

“The clothes were nothing like the pictures. One was chiffon material, the other was bedazzled, and the last looked like my grandma’s tablecloth. I will never order from a Chinese website again,” DeWitt said.

At this point I was feeling a lot better but still needed more proof. I asked my friend Joanna Harrold ’17 just for good measure.

In eighth grade, she wore a pair of leggings as just pants (this in itself was the first mistake). Her shirt did not cover her butt. Little did she know, the leggings were completely see-through. Everyone could see her printed underwear.

“I still got voted most fashionable though, so you can tell how intense the competition was,” Harrold said.

The moral of the story is that everyone makes mistakes. We can’t all look flawless all the time. Beyoncé probably even has some stories she could share.

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