Investigative report: Student secretly added excess amounts of Lanthil-Oxatin-Vernyl-Ethylene (L.O.V.E.) to food on campus


Jon Meier, Contributing Writer

After strange reports from students on Feb. 14, The Bucknellian began an undercover operation and discovered that an unnamed student has been secretly implementing excess amounts of Lanthil-Oxatin-Vernyl-Ethylene in the food served to other students. Lanthil-Oxatin-Vernyl-Ethylene, also known as L.O.V.E. is a chemical compound whose complete effects are not fully known. Initial studies into the compound’s effects show increased levels of heart skipping, sweaty palms, and anxiety.

An investigative writer for The Bucknellian posed as a worker in the cafeteria for three weeks. He found multiple instances of this student consciously placing L.O.V.E. into the food as often as possible. The highest levels of L.O.V.E. were said to be placed in the Bostwick Marketplace’s Egg Bar and late night breakfast sandwiches, both popular options among students. This discovery comes as a relief to many students on campus.

“I don’t know what I would’ve done if I was actually in love with my best friend,” Michael Frampton 18 said. “Every time I saw her, my heart would skip a beat and my palms would sweat like crazy. At least I know now what was going on.”

The University’s Public Safety Officers have apprehended the individual, who has declined to comment on their motive for inserting the chemical. The individual’s name is being withheld from the public as the investigation continues.

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