“Mom, I had the spaciest weekend.”

“My dad asked me where my tax return went and I said I don’t know, probably to my trips to Italy, or Budapest … where I incidentally contracted hand-foot-and-mouth disease.”

“Now I don’t feel bad that I didn’t go to Mexico because it’s so nice out.”

“Who are you with your fancy drink? Oh, it’s water.”

“You’re going to laugh, I went to another accounting pregame.”

“Should I real smile or soft smile?”

“I don’t mind having feet but I really hate feet.”

**A note from the satire editors: Most of the sh*t we put in this section is fake. However, these quotes are 100 percent true. Send the sh*t you “overherd” to [email protected] or [email protected]!