“Come to our philanthropy and support domestic violence!”

“Hang on, I’m gonna buy deodorant and some chicken fingers.”

“How opposed would everyone be to me playing ‘Homeland’ softly in the background? I think it’s a sex scene.”

“I thought I finally figured out my sexuality and then I saw Shawn Mendes.”

“I heard Kappa gets points for eating chopped salads.”

“So lit for kickball.”

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