Sorority chants accidentally summon demon

Jon Meier, Satire Co-Editor

With the beginning of a new school year, scores of sophomore girls enter the corridors of Hunt Hall in search of camaraderie and eternal sisterhood in the form of the University’s Greek system. The sisters of each respective Greek organization engage in conversations, dancing, and chanting to determine who will become their newfound sorority sisters. This year’s recruitment went a bit differently, however.

“I believe that the timing of the solar eclipse on the first day of school and the emphatic chants from the sororities in subsequent days have accidentally triggered the release of an ancient being,” Christian Malachi, chair of the University’s religion department, said.

The ancient being was described as seven feet tall with goat legs, horns, and a human torso.

“I don’t think she was evil though. She was just really anxious about finding out which sorority she was going to end up in,” Julie Fighut ’20 said.

Multiple eyewitnesses report that the ancient being was seen crying and running away from Hunt Hall on Bid Day. The Bucknellian confirmed with the recruitment chairs of each sorority that the ancient being was ineligible to rush a sorority.

“I mean what did it expect?” Haley Grenn, sister of Kappa Nu sorority, said. “You can’t just show up on the last day of rush and expect us to give you a bid.”

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