Religious studies department releases holiday album

Jon Meier, Satire Co-Editor

The department of religious studies is excited to announce the upcoming release of its faculty’s first holiday album, “Holiday Hi-Stories.” The project, slated for release in early December, is a collection of genre-bending tunes that derives influences from jazz, Christian rock, and Torah readings.

“We recognized that there was an opening in the industry for music that combines the traditional spirit of the holiday season and its rich history. By combining the two, we hope to make the holidays a time for both learning and celebration,” Chris Kringle, department chair of religious studies, said.

The track list from the album includes a number of titles that are sure to guarantee an educational holiday experience, such as “All I want for Christmas is an Understanding of the Origin of its Traditions,” “Myrrh Money, More Problems,” and “Dreidel Gang feat. Lil Pump”.

Pre-order sales have already shattered expectations since the announcement of the album’s release. With over two million in album pre-orders, “Holiday Hi-Stories” surpasses benchmarks set earlier in the year by Taylor Swift’s “reputation.”

Many speculate that the album’s meteoric sales could be credited to the precedent set by Professor Craig White, who, before his career in education, was a touring musician with Phil Collins, Mariah Carey, and Prince. He is most famously known for echoing the “Oh Lord” portion in Phil Collins’s hit song, “In the Air Tonight”.

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