University club ruins local dog naming contest

Jon Meier, Satire editor

In a move to boost their social media presence, Pets4Less, a local pet store in Lewisburg, decided to hold a dog-naming competition during the first week of February. Participants could submit votes for names in an online poll over Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. The winning name would be given to a young golden retriever who had just arrived at the store. Following the conclusion of the contest, store owner Richard Hansen was disheartened to see his seemingly benign contest taken over and ruined by the University club known as The Young Communists of Lewisburg (YCL).

“They saw an opportunity and they seized it,” Hansen said. “They must’ve shared the contest on some communist thread on Reddit because the name Karl Barx won with an overwhelming majority. The internet ruins everything now.”

Hansen concluded that YCL was responsible for using Pets4Less’ data monitoring service. Web traffic increased tenfold around 8 p.m. on Feb. 4, the same time the YCL meets in the Elaine Langone Center every week. Other submissions presumed to be from the club included Seize the Means of Paw-duction, Lass Struggle, and the Puggle-teriat.

Motivations are unclear as to why the YCL decided to target Pets4Less. Authorities are beginning preliminary investigations into any possible larger schemes. The YCL’s presence on campus is protected by University rules on providing a safe space for students of a collective interest to gather as an organization. The University released no comment on whether they would pursue consequential action against the club.

“I’ve seen the club meet every once in a while. It’s a bunch of skinny guys in glasses who play Risk the wrong way. I’m not exactly sure what else they try to accomplish. Isn’t communism kind of over anyway?” said Maxine Karlson ’19.

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