Tip #32

Some conspiracy theorists say that you can spend your entire four years on campus without spending a single Dining Dollar. If you go to every research presentation and club meeting that offers free pizza, there is a small possibility of survival. Just make sure to bring your own toppings. Cheese pizza seven days a week for an entire semester isn’t as good as it sounds.

Tip #33

If you are struggling to come up with a good topic for your research paper or creative writing assignment, visit the bathroom stalls in Bertrand Library. Etched into these walls are some of the most thought-provoking pieces of poetry ever transcribed by students, some dating all the way back to when the University was founded. Don’t call the phone numbers though.

Tip #34

Tired of being forced to walk all the way downtown to super? Looking to throw a rager of your own but worried that your ratio won’t meet Greek standards? The answer is simpler than you might expect. Buy a cheap tent from Walmart, set it up right in the middle of the Malesardi Quadrangle, and blast your best pregame playlist for all of Lewisburg to hear. Before you know it, your tent will be swarmed by sweaty underclassmen like hundreds of moths drawn to a single flame.

Tip #35

Please stop talking about how study abroad changed you. You’ve had your two weeks, but that’s enough now. You’re cut off.

Tip #36

“The third floor of Vedder is out of bounds to anyone who does not wish to die a most painful death.”   – President Bravman