Earthquake attributed to nationwide cringe during Game of Thrones season finale

Jon Meier, Satire Co-Editor

The Global Seismographic Network Station located in Albuquerque, N.M. recorded a magnitude 2.5 earthquake on Aug. 27 around 7:07 p.m. Mountain Standard Time. While typically an unimpressive occurrence, geologists at the station were perplexed by the seemingly omnipresent source of the earthquake. The body waves recorded seemed to arrive from all parts of the nation. It wasn’t until someone at the station checked Twitter that the team realized they had recorded the first earthquake ever caused by a television show.

“It was the ‘Game of Thrones’ season finale!” Hugh Mckenna, lead geologist at the Albuquerque Station, said. “Partway into the show, there was one of the biggest reveals of the season which was followed by a subsequent scene that made us all cringe—like super hard. We have reason to believe that the simultaneous cringes of everyone across the country watching the finale were powerful enough to be recorded on our seismographs.”

The correlation was too strong for the team in Albuquerque to ignore. After contacting other stations across the country, the geologists realized that there seemed to be a confirmable causality.

“I knew it! I knew Jon Snow was one. And then … And then … Him and Daenerys … They …” Michael Pening, seismology and plate tectonics expert, said.

The team is now preparing equipment for the season finale of “The Young Pope.”

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