On Thursday morning, a tragedy struck Bucknell University. The campus Wi-Fi router mysteriously went haywire, leaving Bucknell students to survive in the wild without their precious technology. Because campus life depends on internet connection for a multitude of things, such as TikTok and YikYak, it is safe to say that the effects of this disaster were felt throughout the University. 

Rebelling students who still couldn’t get over having class on Labor Day took to the Bison, but to their surprise, the newly-added kiosks were rendered useless. Students were outraged and directed their anger towards the innocent workers, leading to workers getting up and quitting on the spot. 

Surprisingly, the KLARC was a ghost town. Perhaps the avid gym-goers who rely so heavily on posting their fitness progress on TikTok and snapping pictures of themselves on tripods no longer felt the need to stay active if they had no access to their accessories. 

“What’s the point of pumping iron if I can’t flex my pump online?” questioned Hans E. Normous, who decided to take his skip day. 

As one would expect, the loss of Wi–Fi meant that students could no longer use their laptops for classwork. Though handwriting notes would be the easy solution to this, Bucknellians had different plans. Students were lining up by the dozen at the local antique store to purchase typewriters for their classes. And let me tell you, these typewriters were not cheap for century-old technology. 

The Computer Science department certainly was affected the most by the Wi-Fi malfunction. Though students were mortified that they had to type out codes for the comp sci classes on typewriters, the professors definitely had it much worse; they had to endure the dreadful sounds of clicking for hours on end. 

Though this sudden change was a huge surprise to Bucknellians, the campus was very peaceful that Thursday. Nobody was staring down at their phones when crossing the quad, which meant that no one was stepping on the seal! Additionally, students were able to pay attention in class without the constant distractions posed by YouTube and TikTok on their phones and laptops. 

Although the router was replaced early the next morning, many students held onto their typewriters for future use. The antique company denied students the right to return the ancient equipment to get their money back.

After all, it’s not everyday that dozens of students waltz into an antique shop demanding a typewriter in the year 2023!