With all this talk of the Roman Empire, perhaps it is no surprise that the spirit of the gladiators has reemerged this past weekend. Family Weekend is a beloved tradition that Bucknell, alongside many other institutions, has incorporated to combat the plight of homesickness. Speaking of “combat,” this appeared to be the main topic of discussion last Saturday night.

This is because a new pandemic is at our forefront: the attack of the football dads. They traverse in packs, leading among them their young and their partners. Yet, they openly confront other football dads and their packs in the trenches of Bucknell’s campus to discuss their state team, favorite team, college team and young’s college team.

One such confrontation occurred at Feria Latina, the fiesta held to celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month. The dancing portion of the night had begun after a feast of empanadas, pupusas and horchata. Two football fathers met on the dance floor, shaking their hips, tears streaming down their faces due to Bucknell’s heavy loss at the football game just hours before. Accompanying their sorrow was the Daddy Yankee’s hit reggaeton song “Gasolina.” 

The first dad, perhaps 5’7” on a good day, happily danced with his wife. One of the many free blue bags of the Pregame Spirit Trail hung from his arm, stuffed to the brim with other assorted goodies. His child is presumed to have vacated the vicinity the second they approached the dance floor out of sheer embarrassment.

This happiness was promptly interrupted by another father, perhaps 5’5” on a good day, who saw what was unmistakably the treasure amongst all treasures in the first father’s bag. Desperately needing this item as a soothing solvent for his inner depression, the second father confronted the first father with cash in hand to try and buy the treasure. With the first father’s immediate and continual refusal, the second father resorted to other, more macho means.

He began to dance an aggressive salsa with pointed feet and backward bends. The first father replicated the second father’s moves more masterfully, with the addition of a leap. A dance fight, no, a dance battle had begun. They switched between leading and following, also known as “enchufla.” Both fathers demonstrated their skills in croqueta complicada, the cubanito and díle que no. A circle formed around the fight, cheering on the football fathers with fists thrusting into the air.

Eventually, the dance battle came to an end with the first dad falling to the ground in an exhausted heap and the second dad standing triumphantly above. The second dad tore the blue bag from the arm of the defeated first dad, reached inside and pulled out the treasure: a mini orange rubber football. 

Talk about foul play!