In a move that stunned and bewildered his fans, Rainn Wilson, the actor renowned for his portrayal of Dwight Schrute in the TV series “The Office,” chose to forego his highly-anticipated lecture at Bucknell earlier this week. Instead, he opted to grace the University of Scranton with his presence.
Bucknellians were rightfully furious that Wilson would do such a thing! Joe Gatto from “Impractical Jokers,” who is speaking at Bucknell later this semester, would never break our hearts like this.
For those familiar with “The Office,” Dwight Schrute is a character brimming with quirky passions, including bears, beets and the hit show “Battlestar Galactica.”
In a statement, Wilson explained, “I can only engage with universities that allow me to explore all of my interests. That, after all, is the essence of a liberal arts institution.”
While Bucknell lacks an on-campus bear population, the primate lab boasts a roster of monkeys, which Wilson considered an adequate substitute to satiate his unusual fascination. To ensure he could watch “Battlestar Galactica,” the diligent Uptown staff had the show playing on repeat all of Wednesday night. However, the glaring absence of beets on campus posed an unexpected challenge.
When scoping out the campus prior to his lecture to make sure that John Krasinski didn’t rig any pranks on stage, Wilson was appalled to discover that the Bucknell Farm does not grow beets.
“Am I willing to perform at a school that doesn’t nurture the Schrute family crop?” Wilson pondered. “False. Instead, I shall grace the University of Scranton, where I can savor some beets and then visit Dunder Mifflin, my old stomping ground.”
Dunder Mifflin, the fictional paper company featured in “The Office,” is conveniently located just minutes away from the University of Scranton in Pennsylvania. Wilson had planned to conclude his lecture and then drop by his former office to reunite with his former colleagues to relieve the good old days.
One disgruntled film major, Parkson Rex ’26, couldn’t hide his frustration. “I was really looking forward to Rainn Wilson’s lecture. Scranton, Schmanton! Why ditch us for a fake paper company?”
Rex was not alone in his sentiments, as the Bucknell community seethed with resentment. Since Jim wasn’t on campus to give us some tips, students had to watch episodes of “The Office” for inspiration.
Little did Wilson know that his journey to the University of Scranton would be thwarted by a group of vengeful students. In a meticulously coordinated effort, they filled Kinney’s Natatorium with yellow Jello, hijacked his car and dramatically plunged it into the swimming pool.
To avoid arousing suspicions at Scranton, Rex ingeniously stole Wilson’s outfit from the dry cleaners, dressed up in his clothing and delivered the lecture himself. Rex left Wilson with Velcro-versions of his original clothing and then proceeded to rip it off of him in Bucknell’s parking lot as he searched for his car.
At least Wilson learned to keep an extra set of clothes in his car since the last time this happened to him.
