Another year has come and gone, bringing with it another spooky season. This time around, however, students’ grades aren’t the only thing that’s scary here at Bucknell. Far from it, actually, as the administration has created a new elective called “Witchcraft 101.”
Initially, the scariest part of the course was its description which consisted of just three words: “BAD WITCHES ONLY.” Apparently, students did not heed that warning as just a week into the course, half of the class’ seats mysteriously opened up. Around the same time, roughly the same number of students disappeared, and professors began to complain to the administration about frogs hopping in and out of their classes. Coincidence? I think not.
We found a frog on the side of the road, but unfortunately, we were unable to elicit a comment from it as apparently, it wasn’t familiar with what happens in games like Frogger and Crossy Road.
Surprisingly, none of this deterred additional students from signing up for the class. There were no mysterious disappearances this time around. However, students who enrolled have started walking around class wearing hooded robes and talking about some Dark Lord, leading some to believe that WCRFT 101 is actually just a cover for an on-campus cult.
This has led some to protest the class, which prompted the supposed cultists to issue a statement: “So what if we are? How’s it any different from Greek Life?” That quickly put an end to the protesting.
Speaking of Greek Life and creepy things occurring on campus, there have been reports of howling at night that some have speculated might be linked to the class, forcing a tired member of the administration to issue the following statement to students: “Don’t be alarmed, there are no wolves on campus. There is a fraternity, however, whose members fancy themselves as wolves. I don’t know… this is above my pay grade… maybe just avoid them?”
In the end, the class and what goes on in it remains a mystery, one that even we at “The Bucknellian” could not unravel. One thing we could uncover though is that the class’ days on campus are numbered. The line in the sand wasn’t the time massive snakes with the ability to turn students into stone were discovered living in the school’s pipes. Nor was it the time an all-out magic battle broke out when a Dark Lord decided to invade Super, leading to the disappearances of hundreds of kegs. It wasn’t even the time one of the professors was exposed as a massive fraud, bringing loads of negative press to Bucknell. His name was Professor Hartlock. You’ve probably heard of him.
No, what brought about the end of days of Witchcraft 101 was when a stray spell from a student with the unfortunate name of Barry Hardfart ’26 transformed President Bravman’s cup of coffee into a cup of MiraLax, dooming himself and the class as well as one unlucky toilet on campus.