On Wednesday night, the unthinkable happened. Google Calendar, a lifeline for many students with terrible organizational skills, mysteriously crashed. Perhaps it was due to the countless students who have recently been overloading the site to remind themselves about their upcoming advising appointments. Or maybe it was the students who filled their calendars with a bunch of unnecessary events to make themselves seem more busy. Whatever the reason may be, this truly was a tragedy that rocked the entire campus. 

The next day, athletes didn’t show up to campus, students didn’t show up to class and even professors were nowhere to be seen. That’s right, even your beloved professors rely on Google Calendar to navigate their everyday lives.

Josh Simmons ’27 was perhaps the most affected by the Google Calendar crash. As someone who relies on G-Cal notifications to remind him about all of his classes and meetings, he found himself lying in bed all day for his phone to buzz. 

“I gotta admit, it was a very liberating experience,” he happily proclaimed. “All I have to do is email my professors, and they will surely understand.”

But not everyone had the same positive experience as Simmons.

Auditoriums that were meant to be filled to the brim with students taking midterms were completely empty. The professors weren’t gracious in the slightest, either. No matter how many emails they received with a variety of excuses, their decisions were final: 0 percent for everyone.

Perhaps the largest impact of the Google Calendar crash was felt in Bostwick. Believe it or not, caf workers write down all of the hours of their shifts on Google Calendar. Thus, due to the G-Cal crash, there were thousands of students left without food on Thursday. Bravman was forced to offer $500 to students with any sort of cooking background in exchange for them becoming cooks for the day. Of course, many broke college kids accepted the offer and fired up the grill. They really would do anything for a quick buck.

The servers finally came back out at midnight. Students, faculty and staff alike could finally resume their everyday endeavors, and everything was back to normal. However, unsuspecting caf workers seemed to be unaware that the servers simply crashed, as they assumed that they were fired from their jobs. Thus, Bravman upped his bribe to $50,000 a piece to students who would cook for the rest of the year.

Like clockwork, hundreds of students showed up with aprons at the front door of Bostwick the next morning.