The Bucknellian

Kid in class who knows the answer is too afraid to raise hand in fear of mispronouncing word

Kid in class who knows the answer is too afraid to raise hand in fear of mispronouncing word

Michael Driesen, Contributing Headliner

April 26, 2018


Filed under Satire

Anemone. It’s anemone.

J. Cole album arrives just in time for hypebeasts

Jon Meier, Satire Editor

April 26, 2018


Filed under Satire

J. Cole, who went double platinum without any features on his album, “2014 Forest Hill Drive,” released his fifth studio album titled “KOD” on April 20. Announced only a week prior to the drop, the entire rap community was caught in a fervor over the project’s potential direction, and what...

Who’s the biggest tease?

Who’s the biggest tease?

April 19, 2018


Filed under Satire, Top Stories

Graphic by Jared Shapiro

University’s most failed alumni: where are they now?

Jon Meier, Satire Editor

April 19, 2018


Filed under Satire

As graduation looms closer, The Bucknellian reached out to alumni to see what they’ve been up to since their days in Lewisburg. As a fear tactic, The Bucknellian scanned the entire alumni network to find the alum who failed to capitalize on their quarter million dollar education. 1. Jarrett Steuben,...

Op-Ed: Why I deserve the Pulitzer instead of Kendrick

Op-Ed: Why I deserve the Pulitzer instead of Kendrick

Lil Pump, Guest Contributor (Not Really)

April 19, 2018


Filed under Satire

Esketitttttt! I’m so mad I didn’t win the Pulitzer. Kendrick is good and all, but look at everything I’m doing. I’m 17, yo! That’s mad disrespectful that they don’t see how I’m changing the game. People say Kendrick’s lyrics have depth? So do mine! GUCCI GANG, GUCCI GANG, GUCCI GANG, G...

Viral super star, yodeling Walmart kid, to perform at Chrysalis

Viral super star, yodeling Walmart kid, to perform at Chrysalis

Faith Breen, Staff Writer

April 12, 2018


Filed under Satire, Top Stories

In an exciting recent development, Activities and Campus Events (ACE) announced that they’ve added a surprise new artist to the Chrysalis lineup. The budding young artist Mason Ramsey, better known as the yodeling Walmart kid, is on the docket for the event alongside ’90s R&B star Shaggy. Ramsey...

Kid who only knows the “my bed and my momma” part of God’s Plan waits eagerly for that line to come up at a party

Michael Driesen, Contributing Writer

April 12, 2018


Filed under Satire

In the basement of Gamma Delta Phi this past weekend, brother Grant Hunter ’20 stood in the corner patiently waiting to belt out the lyrics to his favorite song by rap superstar Drake. He was overheard repeatedly saying to the brothers controlling the aux cord, “Yo, play ‘God’s Plan’, that...

Students caught cheating by vaping smoke signals

Bridget Beljan, Staff Writer

April 12, 2018


Filed under Satire

Students Drake ’19* and Josh ’19* were caught cheating on their Ethics 100 exam this past week, and they had quite the innovative method for doing so. The students brought various types of vapes to class and alternated between them to communicate their answers to one another. For example,...

Wanted: Clean Pee

Wanted: Clean Pee

Jared Shapiro, Web Managing Editor & Graphics Manager

April 12, 2018


Filed under Satire

Graphic by Jared Shapiro

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