As midterms approach, so do student breakdowns. As a preemptive measure, many professors have allowed students to use cheat sheet notecards during their exams. For those of you who do not know what cheat sheet notecards are, they are pieces of paper crammed with everything students didn’t bother to study.
When asked about his sudden generosity, Professor Wightmann stated, “After 35 years, you eventually learn that they can’t all be the sharpest tools in the shed.”
One reporter spotted a series of tests on his desk, all covered in frowny faces.
Naturally, our staff was curious to gather insight into our bright student body. One student, Alfred Carmichael Larryingites the Third ’24, responded, “I put a few cards in my underwear to swap out during the test. Turns out they’re not that comfy. I’ve got a rash now.”
Other students seem to be taking different routes.
“I got some colored screens on Amazon. I’m going to use different colored pens on top of one another and use the screens to block out other colors,” says Karly Cavanough ’26.
Amy Schuester ’25 states, “My Russian grandmother showed me how to make invisible ink out of onions. I have a candle to shine underneath. Hopefully the classroom is dark enough!”
Luke Newton ’27 describes how he used an X-Acto knife’s tip to write incredibly small. “I just need a magnifier or microscope now.”
But, one of the most creative approaches was one student who decided to bring in a tri-fold poster board.
Arvey Winehouse ’24 says, “My professor didn’t define what a notecard was, so I can bring in any paper I want.”
Just as we thought we had heard everything, our team was approached by one Count Chocula, Professor of Garlic, who had an even wilder story to tell about his past student, Jeremy. “I don’t know what was up with this kid. He smugly walked into class and handed me his notecard. I-It was just a phone number, and…”
Count Chucula was too moved to continue, so our team tracked down Jeremy to hear the story straight from the horse’s mouth.
“Oh, that?” Jeremy asked. “Yeah, I remember that.”
After much probing, Jeremy confessed who this mysterious number belonged to: “It was my mom.” Now, how was Jeremy going to be able to call his mom on a notecard? Well, Jeremy believed that by writing his mom down on the card, he would have to be given permission to call her. Unfortunately for Jeremy, this assumption was not true, and Count Chocula took away his notecard.
“I’m going to bring in my iPad this year with a photo of my mom’s number on it, that way I can call her.” Way to get back out there, Jeremy! Hopefully, this time you’ll have a professor who is less out for blood.
Now, readers, this is where we leave you off. Remember, find the hacks in life and get those notecards written out! Oh, and don’t fail your exams. Please.