The weekly student newspaper of Bucknell University

The Bucknellian

The weekly student newspaper of Bucknell University

The Bucknellian

The weekly student newspaper of Bucknell University

The Bucknellian

2024 Commencement Student Speaker: Lea Tarzy
Alexandra Slofkiss: 2024 Commencement Soloist
Outstanding Senior Award: Bernadette Maramis
Excellence in Diversity and Inclusion: Gloria Sporea

Excellence in Diversity and Inclusion: Gloria Sporea

May 10, 2024

Excellence in Athletics Award: Meghan Quinn

Excellence in Athletics Award: Meghan Quinn

May 10, 2024

Excellence in the Arts Award: Joselyn Busato

Excellence in the Arts Award: Joselyn Busato

May 10, 2024

View All

Professors throw ragers when students miss class

These have been a brutal past few weeks for Bucknell students. A Covid plague has wreaked havoc all across campus, and it hasn’t spared any prey. Within days, Student Health was brimming with students in desperate need of medication. You couldn’t go a minute without hearing a sick student cough, blow their nose or cry in agony. It has truly been an atrocious sight.

Bucknell professors are experiencing the effects of the plague first-hand. This week, they have been met by a massive wave of emails when they opened their laptops in the morning. The emails were all from the sick students claiming to have Covid, but the professors were not convinced that this was true.

“Something fishy is going on here,” Professor Ken E. Dee asserted. “The students are playing hooky, and I don’t like it.”

But when Professor Dee went next door to the other classrooms to see if they were also empty, he was surprised to see that they were also vacant. Maybe the plague wasn’t a hoax after all.

Story continues below advertisement

Because there were no students healthy enough to attend class, the miraculously healthy professors had the entire day to do whatever their hearts desired. So, they decided to take a page from their youth and throw an electric professor party. 

They played poker, ordered mass amounts of Italian food and sang karaoke blissfully. This was finally their time to enjoy themselves, and they couldn’t be happier. 

And let me tell you, when adults between the ages of 40 to 70 are having a good time, it can get loud, really loud. These effects were only amplified by ancient professors claiming they could not hear one another because of their dying hearing aids and the younger ones were trying to belt out the best of Billy Joel’s top hits. All the while, professors were raging and screaming at one another over their lost poker games.

So, when Lenny Richards ’24 walked to Holmes to catch some of his class after forgetting to set his alarm, he was perplexed at the loud music and voices coming from the third floor. As he ascended further and further up the steps, he had to plug his ears to avoid rupturing his eardrums.

When he finally walked into room 347, his jaw dropped. He had never seen a party like it before! The frats had nothing on this.

The professors looked over at Lenny, at first not knowing what to say or do. Then, they did what any good professor would.

They pulled up an extra chair at the poker table.

(Visited 130 times, 1 visits today)

Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Comments (0)

The editorial board of The Bucknellian reserves the right to review all comments before they are posted on the website and remove any if deemed offensive, illegal or in bad taste. Comments left on our web pages are not necessarily in-line with the views expressed by the writer.
All The Bucknellian Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *