With fraternity and sorority recruitment season officially over, Bucknell’s potential new members have successfully transformed into pledges and biddies. As they eagerly await entry into their respective Greek organizations, upperclassmen are making sure the path to brotherhood or sisterhood is paved with a touch of torment first. The initiation processes for these new members often involve a series of creative hazing rituals, all ingeniously concocted by the active members. 

Bucknell is no stranger to the age-old tradition of hazing on campus. To combat this issue, the university invited Brad Broski, a proud graduate of Lewisburg State and brother of the Beta Pi fraternity, to deliver an anti-hazing speech. Broski, having witnessed traumatic hazing during his own college years, arrived at Bucknell with the sincere intention of dissuading students from participating in harmful hazing rituals.

However, a speech intended as a heartfelt plea to end hazing practices has inadvertently become distorted into a twisted guidebook for creative hazing. This has led students to concoct unconventional and eccentric hazing practices.

Feeling inspired by Broski’s warnings against waterboarding new members, some students decided to think outside the box, or in this case, the bucket. They now plan to introduce “Extreme Water Balloon” initiation ceremonies, where new members are drenched with water balloons filled with various substances from chocolate pudding to Bostwick’s famous Bang Bang sauce. 

One pledge commented, “I was not a fan of being pelted in the back by a sticky water balloon, but at least the clean-up was delicious!”

Dirk E. Shurlee ’24, Alpha Lambda Chi’s new member educator, invented an innovative alternative to a dangerous tradition that Broski recounted. Broski warned Bucknellians against a hazing ritual from Lewisburg State that involved taping handles of alcohol onto new members’ hands, preventing them from leaving the chapter house until they finished the entire bottle. 

Shurlee’s new proposal was entirely different. Rather than taping a bottle of alcohol, he decided that they would have Rubik’s Cubes taped to their hands. This ingenious hazing tactic simultaneously teaches them the value of patience as well as provides them with the analytical skills necessary to solve the cube.

New Alpha Lambda Chi (ALC) member Patrick Square remarked, “I’ve always wanted to learn how to solve a Rubik’s Cube, and this hazing forced me to finally learn how to do it. Oh, how I love ALC!”

In the wake of this unexpected turn of events, Bucknell has amplified its efforts to combat hazing and is now considering inviting an anti-anti-hazing speaker to counteract the unintended consequences of the original lecture.

Ultimately, it seems that Broski’s anti-hazing presentation left students more inspired to reinvent the wheel of hazing instead of dismantling it. As the Rubik’s Cubes keep turning and the water balloons hurl through the air, it’s safe to say that the battle against hazing has taken an unexpected detour into the realm of absurdity.