The Bucknellian

The List: Thoughts we had during the debate

Madeline Diamond, Senior Editor

September 29, 2016

Lester, wherefore art thou, Lester? Donald Trump is wearing blue and Hillary Clinton is wearing red, subliminal messaging much? Psych 101 really paid off. That power suit, though. What highlighter is Trump wearing? This must be what it’s like to be a woman in the business world. ...

University to issue dress code of J.Crew barn jackets and L.L.Bean boots starting Oct. 1

Amanda Relick, Staff Writer

September 29, 2016

The University’s mandatory dress code of J.Crew barn jackets and L.L.Bean Boots will take effect on Oct. 1.  The panic among the first-years has reached new heights as many of the self-proclaimed “hipsters” insist that they have never heard of these so-called trends before. Upperclassmen gleefully...

Fraternity men start #AskHimMore movement

September 29, 2016

A new movement to #AskHimMore has surfaced on campus after University men began complaining that they are bombarded with questions regarding which Greek organization they belong to, rather than whether they belong to one at all. 99.9 percent of University males are involved in Greek life and because...

Student goes into hiding after misreading emergency alerts

Olivia Lawlor, Contributing Writer

September 29, 2016

Public Safety ran several test alert notifications on Sept. 27 to check the University’s Emergency Notification System. These test alerts included emails and text messages to students and staff, which explicitly stated that the alerts were only tests and should not be mistaken for real emergency notifications. However,...

RA holds meeting to warn students about venemous paralyzing spiders, gets bitten mid-meeting

RA holds meeting to warn students about venemous paralyzing spiders, gets bitten mid-meeting

Madeline Diamond, Senior Editor

September 22, 2016

After news of last week’s paralytic spider infestation in several dorms, Residential Advisors (RAs) across campus held hall meetings to address the situation. Since several students have been bitten and required treatment at the local hospital, RAs felt the need to prepare their residents for possible...

Bucknell to become fully Amish by Fall 2017

Stephanie Garboski, Contributing Writer

September 22, 2016

University officials decided on Sept. 19 to transition into a fully functioning Amish community by Fall 2017. The transition will begin immediately with the removal of all desktop computers and will continue through winter break with the removal of all heating and cooling units within academic and...

Students discover weekly newspaper after seeing reports of decapitation

Courtney Wren, Satire Editor

September 22, 2016

Students have begun reading what is reported to be the University’s only student-run newspaper. It is rumored that many of these students were unaware the newspaper existed until recently, when the paper reported on a decapitation that occurred while filming a sorority recruitment video. “My friend...

Students forced to hide political paraphernalia during Family Weekend

Courtney Wren, Satire Editor

September 22, 2016

Sept. 23-25 marks the University’s annual Family Weekend, during which parents come to visit and judge their college-aged children’s habits. Some students are reportedly trying to avoid their parents’ judgment by hiding any political paraphernalia and suggesting that their roommates tone down their...

Students demand justice for Bertrand’s inadequate staplers

Students demand justice for Bertrand’s inadequate staplers

Olivia Lawlor, Contributing Writer

September 22, 2016

While several issues need to be addressed regarding Bertrand Library, the most egregious atrocity is the lack of functioning staplers. Just ask any student standing in line for the printers at 7:50 a.m. After students finally receive their printed assignments, they carry the false hope that they...

The List: 8 ways to make the University a better place

Julia Friedman, Special Features Layout Editor

September 22, 2016

1. Gather up all unattended items at the library and turn them in to the Switchboard! Someone will be so happy to have their stuff returned to them. 2. Hold the door for everyone, even at that awkward distance where you have to wait just a few seconds too long and the other person has to sprint. 3....

Overachieving triple-major student skips first class, feels incredible rush

Hannah Paton, Contributing Writer

September 15, 2016

Last week, Katie Rainey2 ’18, triple major in puppetry, bowling management, and hot dog eating, skipped the first class of her college career. At 11:03 a.m. on Monday, Sept. 12, Rainey2 reeled with excitement as she sat in the Bison, purposefully missing a lecture in her accounting & financial...

Downtown café closes; students chain themselves to building in protest

Courtney Wren, Satire Editor

September 15, 2016

On Sept. 12, Vedder Sojka, the owner of popular downtown café Salami, announced that he will close the café. Sojka was forced to close his café due to high property taxes. The news is swift and its effects are immediate; the business plans to close by Saturday. Upon hearing this news, many students...

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