The Bucknellian

University professor lands Comedy Central special after first-week-of-class pun goes viral

Alex Hutchins, Contributing Writer

January 26, 2017

On the first day of classes at the University, Professor of English Damien Lockwood, who prefers his students address him simply as “Damien” or “Woody,” flipped off the lights in his cramped English 101 class and declared, “it’s showtime.” “We all turned to the projector, and on the...

English major secures coveted finance job, School of Management students revolt

Courtney Wren, Satire Editor

January 26, 2017

University students in the School of Management began protesting outside of the Career Development Center to show their dissatisfaction after learning that Elise Graham ’17, an English major, recently secured a job at IBS, a prestigious accounting firm. Those students, mainly accounting majors,...

University encourages students to crawl on hands and knees to avoid injuries (lawsuits)

University encourages students to crawl on hands and knees to avoid injuries (lawsuits)

Madeline Diamond, Senior Editor

January 25, 2017

In an email to students on Jan. 16, the University Safety Commission (USC) laid out several guidelines in hopes of keeping students safe and the University lawsuit-free in light of the current winter season. Some of the recommendations advise students to avoid falling on dangerous ice by walking on...

Liberal student returns to campus with different political views after spending all break with conservative family

Liberal student returns to campus with different political views after spending all break with conservative family

Courtney Wren, Satire Editor

December 1, 2016

Self-proclaimed liberal student Camryn Carnegie ’18 returned to campus with changed political views after spending Thanksgiving break with her conservative family. “I don’t know what happened—I really loved going to Hillary rallies over the summer, but after listening to what Uncle Jimmy had...

#RoachesHaveRights campaign divides Trax Hall

Alexis Brito, Contributing Writer

December 1, 2016

The discovery of two cockroaches in Trax Hall has outraged residents causing some to go as far as to contact private exterminators. “My father was not happy when he found out I was living in a cockroach infested building. He hired a private exterminator—a specialist, if you will—to come...

First-year hall remains friends despite having nothing in common

Amanda Relick, Staff Writer

December 1, 2016

As the fall semester winds down, first-year halls across campus are descending into crisis. It’s the time of year when first-years look around at their hallmates and realize they actually have nothing in common. Yes, these are the people they have been clinging to in an effort to have someone to...

University senior given award for outstanding bravery

Olivia Lawlor, Staff Writer

December 1, 2016

Casey Coleman ’17 was awarded the University’s Outstanding Bravery Award for displaying consistent courage on campus. From the start of her time at the University, Coleman has been a true pioneer. As a first-year, Coleman never ate in the caf. Instead, she chose to take her meals in the Bison, amo...

The List: Google search history of a college senior

Madeline Diamond, Senior Editor

December 1, 2016

How to get a job Is it possible to take too much Advil? What does it mean if my pee is really yellow? What is “wealth management?” Do giraffes sleep standing up? Can you die from a hangover? Is it weird to want to be alone all the time? How long is too l...

Students who dress up for 8ams ridiculed but still get the last laugh

Samantha Nolle, Contributing Writer

November 17, 2016

Arriving to her 8 a.m. sociology class in black heels and a semi-formal dress, F. Ort ’17 received incredulous stares from her sleep deprived, sweatshirt wearing classmates early on the morning of Nov. 15.  She grabbed her usual seat next to Al L. Nighter ’17, dressed in a full tuxedo. Sources conf...

Young Love: If love quotes were written in college

Madeleine Silva, Web Managing Editor

November 17, 2016

“There is no remedy for love, but to  love more deny that you are in love.” –Henry David Thoreau “You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known-and even that is an understatement a freshman.” –F. Scott Fitzgerald “Sometimes you will never know the value...

University to replace Rooke Chapel bells with S’well water bottles

Madeline Diamond, Senior Editor

November 17, 2016

After beginning construction on Rooke Chapel’s steeple, the University has decided to replace the building’s historic bells with empty S’well water bottles in an act of modernization. “Have you ever been in the library when a student knocks over one of those water bottles? The sound reverb...

Lack of holiday drinks at the library café causes students to question whether it’s actually fall

Lack of holiday drinks at the library café causes students to question whether it’s actually fall

Olivia Lawlor, Staff Writer

November 17, 2016

Although the semester is nearly over, students who frequent Bertrand Library have reported that they have completely forgotten about the existence of the fall season due to the lack of holiday drinks, such as the Starbucks classic Salted Caramel Apple Gingerbread Pumpkin Latte (SCAGPL) with eggnog whipped...

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